The Church as a Means of Grace - Part 5
Good morning. If you have your Bibles please turn with me to Colossians chapter 3.
Over the last few weeks, we’ve been considering how God uses the church as a means of grace in our lives - not only through the preaching of the Word and the ordinances, but through our relationships with one another.
Remember last time, we looked at Galatians 6, where Paul calls us to gently restore a brother or sister who has been overtaken by sin, Remember, it says:
Galatians 6:1-2 [1] Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. [2] Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
So, we learned that this kind of care is not reserved only for elders or leaders, but is the responsibility of every Christian. After all, he says, “you who are spiritual should restore him,” right after listing the fruit of the Spirit in the previous chapter. If you’re spiritual – which you should be, you should learn to treat others with love and gentleness when they are caught up in sin.
We’ve learned that God has designed the church to be a place where we watch over one another with humility and gentleness, remembering our own propensity to wander, and seeking the restoration of those among us who might find themselves ensnared by sin.
This is hard. Its hard because we are prone to judgment, and criticism. Further, we are prone to forget that we have the same potential to sin. Well, this morning things are going to get even more difficult for us. See, as hard as it might be to respond to our sinning brothers and sisters with gentleness and humility when they find themselves caught up in sin, it becomes even harder when their sin is committed against us.
TARGETS OF THE SINS OF OTHERS
So, what happens when the sin or weakness of another believer doesn’t just affect them - but affects us? What happens when their failure, their words, their choices, or their neglect causes us real pain? When the burden we’re called to bear is not abstract, but deeply personal - when we’ve been lied to, let down, gossiped about, or treated in a way that feels deeply unjust?
In those moments, “bearing one another’s burdens” takes on a very concrete and costly shape. It means that bearing the burden actually requires us to absorb the hurt. It means choosing not to nurse bitterness or quietly withdraw from them. It means responding with grace even when everything in us wants to demand justice or protect ourselves. It means refusing to allow our relationship with that person to sort of “die on the vine” but to instead seek reconciliation and restoration.
Sometimes “bearing one another’s burdens” means a willingness to respond to their sin, not just with gentleness and humility, but with personal forgiveness. Look at how Paul connects these things in Colossians 3, beginning in verse 12:
“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
Like in his letter to the Galatians, here Paul is calling believers to live together as one unified body, dwelling together in love, and caring deeply for one another. He wants them to respond to the love of God by loving one another. This is why he reminds them of their identity before God – they are chosen, holy, and beloved. So, he would have them act like it. Men and women chosen by God, made holy by Christ, and forever loved by him, should show compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, and love toward one another.
FREE AND FULL FORGIVENESS MAKES THE CHURCH A MEANS OF GRACE
Then he says in verse 13, “If one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive.” This is our focus this morning. We will learn that the church is a means of grace because within the church we are committed to relationships that offer free, full, and costly forgiveness. It’s a means of grace because we receive forgiveness that we don’t deserve from others, and because we are pressed to extend forgiveness to others that they don’t deserve - forgiveness that it is not natural for us give.
Further, the church is a means of grace because as we give and receive free and full forgiveness, we do so as with a recognition that we are a community shaped by the free and full forgiveness of Jesus. That’s why Paul couches this call to love and forgiveness within a pervasive theme of thankfulness.
Colossians 3:16-17 ESV [16] Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. [17] And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Paul knows that there’s a direct connection between thankfulness toward God for what he’s done for us, and our willingness to show the same love to others. On the flip side, the attitudes that destroy unity like apathy, harshness, pride, impatience, and unforgiveness rear up when we’ve lost sight of God’s goodness to us. Unthankfulness toward God, leads to unforgiveness toward others.
A REALISTIC VISION FOR THE CHURCH
Now, as we consider the command to forgive others within the church, we’re immediately struck by the fact that this means forgiveness will be necessary in the church! It reveals a very realistic vision of what we should expect as we live together as the church.
It’s true that the scriptural vision for the church is one of loving unity. We see the example of the New Testament church in Acts 2 where they continued together in unity, loving, praying, and sacrificing for one another while collectively worshipping Christ. We see passages that envision the church as one unified body with every member loving, supporting, and labouring for the others (Eph 4; 1 Cor 12). We see a vision in which church members enjoy deep, vulnerable relationships with one another where faults, failures, and struggles can be freely shared and lovingly received. We see a vision for the church where the prevailing character is selfless love. It’s an amazing vision. It’s one we teach and preach, and try to model, and foster, and facilitate.
But while Scripture presents this remarkable vision for the church, it is also extremely realistic about the struggles we will face as we collectively try to move toward this vision.
It is true that in Acts 2 we find the early church continuing with an amazing, and enviable unity. But it’s also true that in relatively short order, complaints begin to emerge so that in Acts 6 we find one contingent of the church feeling neglected and overlooked.
It’s true that the Philippian church was abounding in love and warranted loving praise from the Apostle Paul in his letter. But it’s also true that Paul had to tell them to “do all things without grumbling or disputing, (2:14)” and at the end of his letter he had to plead, “I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. (4:2)”
It is true that the Corinthian church was richly gifted by the Spirit and had much to commend it. But it’s also true that they were marked by deep divisions, selfish ambition, sexual immorality, and disorder in their gatherings - so much so that Paul had to sharply rebuke them.
It is true that the Galatian churches had begun well and had received the gospel with joy. But it’s also true that they quickly turned to legalism and began “biting and devouring one another,” prompting Paul to warn them that if they continued in this way, they would be consumed by one another.
It is true that the New Testament repeatedly calls the church to unity, love, and peace. But it’s also true that much of the New Testament was written to address conflicts, offenses, and relational breakdowns within local churches.
Does all of this mean that God’s vision for a loving, unified church has failed? Does this mean that a church that experiences conflicts, offenses, and disunity is fundamentally flawed? The answer to both questions is a resounding “no.”
The bible presents a wonderful picture of God’s design for the church as a loving, unified, intimate fellowship of selfless brothers and sisters, always working for one another’s good, while also being entirely realistic about the struggles we will face as we all work toward that goal.
ENSURE OUR VISION FOR CHURCH IS SCRIPTURAL
So then, we have to ensure that our vision for church aligns with scripture. This is important because if we have an unscriptural, idealized vision for the church, we will forever be disappointed and continually tempted to criticism. Someone who has such an expectation of church, assuming that any conflict, or any failure is a sign that the church is fundamentally flawed, has to grapple with the fact that no New Testament church was without conflict or failure.
If such a person doesn’t correct their vision of church, they’ll bounce from church to church, leaving each one, disillusioned by the sin and failure they find in each. They’ll conclude that the church at large has failed, and maybe even give up on church altogether. In reality, such a person might be suffering from an unscriptural vision for what the church actually is - to their own detriment (and to the detriment of the churches they leave in their wake).
So, what vision of the church should we hold? We should hold a vision for church life that sets forth God’s scriptural ideal as the goal toward which all of us are working. We should all desire a fellowship of men and women who love one another with a Christlike love. We should all want a church where members put the needs and interests of others above their own. We should all long for a church that is characterized by close, vulnerable, mutually up-building relationships. We should all want a church where the whole body is unified as one loving community.
However, while we’re all embracing this biblical vision for church life, we must all also accept what else the Bible says about church life. That is, that we who are working toward this sort of community are imperfect sinners who will, at times, fail or even hurt one another.
WHEN ONE HAS A COMPLAINT
Look again at Colossian 3:13:
Colossians 3:13 ESV [13] bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
When Paul uses the word 'complaint' here, it’s a word that refers to a real, justifiable grievance. He isn’t talking about imaginary hurts or petty misunderstandings. He is acknowledging that in the church, people will genuinely give you a reason to blame them. But notice what he does: he validates that the hurt is real, and then immediately commands us to consider the forgiveness that Jesus has extended to us, and to grant that same forgiveness to the person who has wronged us.
ALWAYS THROUGH STRUGGLE
In other words, the kind of loving unity we are seeking to attain in the church only ever comes through struggle. There is no genuine unity without differences being experienced and worked through. There is no real peace without conflicts being addressed with grace and truth. There is no deep fellowship without offenses being forgiven and relationships being restored. The beautiful vision Scripture gives us for the church is not reached by avoiding difficulty, but by walking through it together in the power of the Spirit. The struggle is not a sign that something has gone wrong - it is the very context in which God produces the unity, maturity, and love He desires for His people.
Conflicts will come. Offenses will come. Disappointments will come. Leadership will fall short. The congregation will fall short. As much as we work toward one loving community, some will feel unloved and left behind. As much as we tend to each other’s needs, some will be neglected. As we move together toward God’s vision for his church, it will not be without failure. In fact, it will only come through failure followed by a healthy response to that failure.
A HEALTHY CHURCH IS ALWAYS IN PROCESS
So, if necessary, let’s tweak our understanding of a healthy church.
A healthy church is not one that never experiences conflict, offense, or disappointment. A healthy church is one that refuses to be surprised by these things and responds to them in a biblical way. It is a church that acknowledges we are all still sinners being sanctified, and therefore chooses to walk through relational struggles with humility, grace, and a commitment to reconciliation rather than with denial, gossip, resentment, division, or abandonment.
A healthy church is marked not by the absence of problems, but by the presence of a gospel-shaped culture that knows how to address them. It is a church where offenses are not ignored or minimized, but are brought into the light with gentleness and honesty. It is a church where members are willing both to confront in love and to forgive from the heart. It is a church where people are not shocked when leadership falls short or when fellow members disappoint them, because they understand that the only perfect one is Christ, and we only imperfectly reflect his image.
In short, a healthy church is not a perfect church. It is a church that is honest about its imperfections and committed to working through them together under the Lordship of Christ and in the power of the Spirit. It is a church that keeps its eyes fixed on the high vision Scripture gives us - loving, unified, Christ-centered community - while also embracing the realistic path Scripture says we must walk to get there: through struggle, through failure, through repentance, and through gracious forgiveness extended to one another.
WHAT SHOULD YOU EXPECT IN THE CHURCH?
So, what sort of experience should you expect in the church?
You should expect a community of saved sinners who genuinely love the Lord and are, together, progressively becoming more like Jesus - but not without failure along the way. You should expect to be part of a people who share a beautiful, God-given vision for loving, unified, and Christ-centered church life, while also regularly falling short of that vision in practice.
You should expect to sometimes feel deeply blessed, encouraged, and cared for by your brothers and sisters in Christ. And you should also expect to sometimes feel disappointed, overlooked, or even hurt by them. You should expect that people will occasionally fail you, and that you will occasionally fail them. You should expect that there will be times when you will need to extend forgiveness, and other times when you will need to humbly ask for it.
In short, you should expect a church that is honest about both the glory of what God is doing among His people and the reality of the remaining sin that still affects us all. You should expect a community that is committed to God’s high vision for the church, while also being realistic about the patient, grace-filled work it takes to move toward that vision together.
AS THE LORD HAS FORGIVEN YOU
Now, before we go any further, I’d like to draw your attention to a phrase in verse 13. This will inform everything we think about forgiveness from here on out. Paul says we are to forgive one another “as the Lord has forgiven you.”
This little phrase is the controlling principle for everything the Bible says about forgiveness. Our forgiveness of others is not ultimately driven by whether the other person deserves it, or whether they’ve asked for it, or even whether they’ve repented. It is driven by something far greater - the forgiveness we have already received from the Lord.
We see this very clearly in Matthew 18. Jesus has just given his disciples clear commands regarding the need for forgiveness in the church. This was hard teaching for some of them. So much so that it prompted a question from Peter. We see it starting in verse 21:
21 Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" 22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.
23 "Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.' 27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.
28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, 'Pay what you owe.' 29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you.' 30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. 31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place.
32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?' 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart." (Matthew 18:21-35, ESV)
The application is unmistakable. We have all incurred a debt against God because of our sin. We are incapable of making payment for that sin, but God, through His compassionate forgiveness, has freed us from its penalty. Just as this king forgave a debt his servant could never repay, God has forgiven us a debt we could never pay.
The unforgiving servant in this parable is a striking illustration of the unforgiving Christian. This is a person who has forgotten that he is indebted to God, that he is unable to pay the debt his sin has incurred, and that he is undeserving of God’s forgiveness.
The point is, the believer who is keenly aware, and deeply thankful for God’s forgiveness, will extend the same to others. This is a good time for a definition of forgiveness. When we talk about forgiving one another, this is our working definition:
Forgiveness is a settled determination not to hold an offense against a person or to hold them to account for it. It is a conscious choice to release a debt, to drop the charges, and to refuse to let that wrong dictate how you treat them moving forward.
And what we learn from this parable in Matthew 18, and a myriad of other texts, is that God has forever linked our willingness to forgive others with the forgiveness He has freely given us. He’s even made it integral to the model prayer:
Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
He expects us to consider the offenses committed against us in light of the offenses we have committed against Him. The fact that He has freely forgiven us should produce an overwhelming sense of indebtedness, so that we can never really make the case for withholding forgiveness from others.
When forgiven people refuse to forgive, they become hypocritical. They become ingrates. That is the point of Jesus’ parable. We are to forgive others as the Lord has forgiven us - not because they deserve it, but because we have been shown mercy we did not deserve.
THE VERTICAL GOVERNS THE HORIZONTAL
Here we find another important biblical principle where our relationships are concerned. We learn that the commands that God gives us in how we are to relate to others, in every area of life, are meant to be carried out while considering our relationship to God, before we ever consider our relationship to others.
This is a pattern we see throughout the New Testament. When God gives instructions about how we are to treat other people, He often grounds those commands not first in the worth or dignity of the person standing in front of us, but in our relationship to Him and in light of what He has done for us.
For example, servants are told to serve their masters “as for the Lord and not for men” (Colossians 3:23). Wives are commanded to submit to their husbands “as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). Husbands are commanded to love their wives “as Christ loved the church” (Eph 5). Children are told to obey their parents “in the Lord” (Ephesians 6:1). In each case, the motivation and standard is not primarily the character or deservedness of the other person, but the fact that we are ultimately serving and obeying Christ.
The same principle applies to forgiveness. When Paul says in Colossians 3:13 that we are to forgive one another “as the Lord has forgiven you,” he is reminding us that our forgiveness of others is not first determined by whether they deserve it. It is determined by what the Lord has already done for us.
Our forgiveness is not ultimately a response to them - it is a response to God. We forgive because we have been forgiven. We release others from the debt they owe us because God has released us from a far greater debt we owed Him. We choose not to hold their sin against them because God has chosen not to hold our sin against us. So then, the starting point and the ongoing motivation for forgiveness is not found in the other person. It is found in the Lord. We forgive others as the Lord has forgiven us.
HELD HOSTAGE BY UNFORGIVENESS
When we allow our relationship with God to govern how we respond to those who sin against us, it becomes a means of grace in two directions. It brings a gift both to the one who has offended us and to us who have been offended.
First, it is a gift to the one who has sinned against us. When we forgive, not because they have earned it or repented, but because the Lord has forgiven us, we extend to them the same kind of undeserved mercy that Christ has shown to us. We treat them better than their sin deserves. This is precisely what God did for us. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. When we forgive on this basis, we become reflections of the gospel itself. The offender receives mercy they do not deserve, just as we received mercy we did not deserve.
But there is also a profound gift given to us when we let the vertical reality govern the horizontal. When we choose to forgive and release the offense to God rather than holding onto it, we are protected from being held hostage by the sins of others.
The Bible is very clear about the danger of nursing an offense. The writer of Hebrews warns us to be careful “that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled” (Hebrews 12:15). Bitterness is not a harmless emotion. It is a root that spreads, defiles, and causes trouble both in us and around us. Paul tells us to put away “all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander… along with all malice” (Ephesians 4:31). These attitudes do not stay contained. They poison our hearts, damage our relationships, and hinder our walk with God.
Jesus Himself warned that when we refuse to forgive, we place ourselves in a dangerous position. In the parable of the unforgiving servant, the master handed the unforgiving man over to the jailers until he should pay all his debt. Jesus then said, “So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart” (Matthew 18:35). Unforgiveness is not a small thing. It can bring real spiritual consequences into our lives.
THE GIFT OF RELEASE
This is why releasing the offense is such a gift to us.
When we forgive - even when the other person does not repent - we are entrusting the matter to God rather than carrying it ourselves. The apostle Peter describes how Christ responded when He was unjustly treated: “When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23). Christ did not hold onto the offense. He released it to His Father.
When we do the same, we break the power of the offense over our lives. We no longer have to live under the weight of bitterness, resentment, or a constant sense of victimization. The sins of others no longer have the ability to forever oppress us. We are free to move forward in peace, because we have given the matter over to the One who judges righteously.
In this way, forgiving others as the Lord has forgiven us is not only an act of obedience - it is also an act of wisdom and mercy, both toward the offender and toward ourselves.
EVEN TO THOSE WHO DON’T SEEK IT
This is also why we believe that we must extend forgiveness even to those who don’t ask for it. God has designed forgiveness so that we can find freedom, even when those who have offended us are not sorry. He’s designed forgiveness so that we can experience vital emotional, mental, and spiritual release whether the other person ever seeks our forgiveness. This God-oriented forgiveness ensures that others can’t keep us captive by their sinful refusal to repent. I can release that person, determining to forgive in my heart, with my eyes upon Christ and his forgiveness, regardless of the unworthiness of my offender.
As a consequence, I can experience the mental, emotional, and spiritual release that my soul needs, regardless of the other person’s response. I never have to be held captive, or carry on as the victim of the sin of others. I can forgive and trust that God will judge, if necessary, in his way and in his timing. What a gift!
SOME SELF-REFLECTION
This would be an appropriate time then to ask ourselves some probing questions. Might it be that you are failing to forgive others right now? Could it be that you are a willing captive to unforgiveness? Is it possible that you are harbouring bitterness, or resentment toward others, refusing to forgive?
Here are some questions you can ask yourself:
Thoughts & Memory
Do I frequently replay the offense in my mind, even when I don’t want to?
When the person’s name comes up, is my first thought negative or critical?
Do I find myself mentally rehearsing what I would say to them if I had the chance?
Emotions
Do I still feel anger, resentment, or a sense of injustice when I think about what happened?
Have I become emotionally guarded or cold toward this person?
Do I feel a sense of satisfaction or relief at the thought of them experiencing consequences?
Speech
Do I often bring up this person’s offense when talking with others?
Do I tend to speak more negatively than positively about them?
Have I shared the details of the offense with people who didn’t need to know?
Actions & Relationships
Have I withdrawn from this person or limited my kindness toward them as a form of punishment?
Am I unwilling to do them good, even when I have the opportunity?
Do I secretly hope they will fail or struggle?
Self-Righteousness & Pride
Do I think of myself as clearly in the right and them as clearly in the wrong?
Do I feel superior to them because of what they did?
Am I more concerned with being proven right than with being reconciled?
Spiritual Impact
Does thinking about this offense affect my ability to pray or worship freely?
Have I stopped praying for this person’s good?
Do I sense a barrier in my relationship with God that seems connected to this situation?
Desire for Justice vs. Mercy
Do I want this person to suffer or pay for what they did more than I want them to repent and be restored?
Would I be disappointed if God dealt with them more graciously than I think they deserve?
These are hallmarks of an unforgiving spirit. If you saw yourself in any of those questions, I suggest, with Paul, that you take some time to reflect upon the forgiveness that you’ve received from Jesus. If we want the power to break the trap of resentment, we have to look at the staggering scope of how the Lord has forgiven us. His grace toward us is full, free, undeserved, costly, restorative, and permanent—and every single one of these dimensions redraws the blueprint for how we must forgive others.
1. It is Full
How the Lord forgave us: When Jesus went to the cross, He didn’t partially clear your record or leave a few of your worst failures on the ledger to use as future leverage. Colossians 2:13–14 tells us that God made us alive together with Him, “having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us.” The erasure is absolute. Every single failure was nailed to that tree, and the ledger is completely blank.
How we must forgive others: Because you have been forgiven fully, you cannot practice "partial forgiveness." You cannot claim to forgive someone while quietly keeping a mental file of their past offenses to pull out the next time you get into an argument. Full forgiveness means you burn the ledger. You refuse to let their past misdeeds hang over your current relationship.
2. It is Free
How the Lord forgave us: This forgiveness cost you absolutely nothing, though it cost Him everything. Romans 3:24 explicitly states that we are “justified by his grace as a gift.” In the original text, that phrase means "gratuitously, for nothing." There was no transaction, no installment plan, and no penance required from you to trigger His mercy. It was handed to you as an outright, no-strings-attached handout.
How we must forgive others: This means your forgiveness cannot come with a price tag. You cannot demand that the person who hurt you crawls, begs, earns their way back into your good graces, or undergoes a probationary period before you drop your resentment. If you are waiting for them to pay a emotional dividend before you let go of your anger, you aren't offering free grace—you are operating as a debt collector.
3. It is Undeserved
How the Lord forgave us: We did not win God over by cleaning up our act, making grand promises, or proving our worth. As Romans 5:8 powerfully declares, “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” He extended forgiveness when we were at our absolute worst, entirely bankrupt, and still functionally hostile toward Him.
How we must forgive others: If you only forgive people who deserve it, you will never forgive anyone. We must extend grace to people who don't appreciate it, people who haven't earned it, and yes—even people who haven't asked for it. Undeserved forgiveness means you stop waiting for the other person to be "worthy" of your mercy, remembering that you weren't worthy of His.
4. It is Costly
How the Lord forgave us: While forgiveness is entirely free to us, it was profoundly expensive to God. 1 Peter 1:18–19 reminds us that we were ransomed “not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ.” For God to forgive us, He couldn't just shrug His shoulders and pretend sin didn't matter; He had to absorb the massive, agonizing debt of our rebellion Himself on the cross.
How we must forgive others: True forgiveness will always cost you something. It costs you the right to retaliate. It costs you the satisfaction of nursing a grievance, the pleasure of self-pity, and the twisted joy of watching them suffer. When you forgive, you are choosing to absorb the emotional cost of the injury yourself rather than forcing them to pay it back in installments of your anger.
5. It is Restorative
How the Lord forgave us: God’s forgiveness isn’t merely legal or clinical. He doesn't just leave us as "acquitted criminals" standing outside the courtroom doors. Galatians 4:5 says He redeemed us “so that we might receive adoption as sons.” Like the father running to the Prodigal Son in Luke 15, God didn't put us on probation or make us work as hired servants; He immediately restored us to the warmth of family intimacy.
How we must forgive others: Forgiveness must always aim toward restoration. Now, a realistic vision of the church recognizes that full, relational reconciliation requires boundaries and mutual trust. But your internal disposition toward them must be restorative, not punitive. You must genuinely desire their good, pray for their spiritual health, and actively root for their restoration rather than secretly hoping they fail.
6. It is Permanent
How the Lord forgave us: The Lord doesn’t bring up your past sins the next time you stumble. His forgiveness is absolute and final. In Hebrews 10:17, He promises, “I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more.” This doesn't mean an omniscient God has amnesia; it means He makes a holy covenant never to bring your settled failures up to you, to others, or to Himself ever again.
How we must forgive others: Permanent forgiveness means you do not bring up a resolved offense three months later when you are frustrated about something else. You refuse to gossip about their past mistakes to others to make yourself look better, and you refuse to re-litigate the crime in your own mind after you’ve forgiven. You leave it buried where Christ left it.
When you truly pause to take in the sheer scale of a mercy that is this free, this full, and this beautifully undeserved, it changes how you look at the person who hurt you. The tight grip of an unforgiving spirit begins to loosen. After all, how can we lock someone else in a prison of petty debt when Jesus has completely shattered the chains of our own?
As a reminder, I’m not making these connections as some emotional play to push us to forgive others - I’m merely highlighting the very connection that God commands us to consider whenever we are faced with the need to forgive others.
“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
CONCLUSION
We have to stop there today. I know there are a lot of questions that arise when we consider how and when we must forgive others, and God willing, we can look at those in later sermons.
But as we close, I want us to connect this back to what we’ve been learning over these past weeks. We’ve been looking at how God uses the local church as a means of grace in our lives. And what we find is that He does this, not by placing us in a perfect community where no one ever fails, but by placing us in an imperfect community where we are all still in process.
The church is a means of grace precisely because it is a place where our relationships are tested. If we part of a flawless fellowship where no one ever said the wrong thing, where no one was ever overlooked, and where no one ever caused pain, we would never actually have to exercise the gospel. We wouldn't need patience, we wouldn't need humility, and we certainly wouldn't need to forgive.
God uses our very imperfections to change us. He uses the real, everyday struggles of church life to lift our eyes from what others owe us, and to fix them on what Christ has paid for us. The local church is the environment where we practice the very mercy we have received.
When we choose to forgive one another fully, freely, undeservedly, costly, restoratively, and permanently, we aren't showing that we are a perfect people. We are showing that we have a perfect Savior. We are modeling to a watching world that it is possible for imperfect sinners to fall short, to experience conflict, and yet to be bound together in harmony because the vertical reality of Christ's cross governs our horizontal relationships.
Let’s not be discouraged by the fact that we are a church in process. Let’s accept the reality of the struggle, walk through our failures with humility, and allow this body to be the exact instrument of grace God designed it to be. Let's go out from here and forgive one another, just as the Lord has forgiven us.
Let’s pray.
